Thursday, July 10, 2008

My name was Anarchuus

About a thousand years ago, when I was addicted to Everquest, I played (among other things) a Dark Elf Shadowknight named Anarchuus.

He was actually one of the first characters I created. We had a guild called The Heart of Darkness. It was actually a hand me down guild. What happened is what usually happens. A guild is created, is built up to modest proportions then the creator either splits from the guild because he/she doesn't like what it turned into or simply moves on in their life and leaves the game for a shot at real life.

That's what happened to The Heart of Darkness. It was a true, role playing guild. Everyone in character, all the time. Well... in game, at any rate. The original guild perpetrated some true evil that spilled over into other's game playing experience. Violated the rules, in fact... but the guild defended their position by saying that it was simply good role playing and since they were role playing an evil race, they were justified in doing anything that the game mechanics allowed.

Well, eventually, as most things do, people turned over... quit... moved on... whatever. The original guildmaster gave the guild to a real life friend who proceeded to get some more like minded friends together to join in order to keep the guild from being disbanded completely. Then they re-vamped the guild into something totally new. Keeping the name, The Heart of Darkness, the turned it into a guild of light. One that exemplified the spirit of cooperation, fair place, kindness and generosity. What made it unique what the fact that it was still a guild exclusively for Dark Elves, but only those who had been twisted to good!

We maintained our dedication to role playing, posing as an evil guild so as not to be "found out" by the Dark Elf NPC's. Hey! It was role playing!

So, here we walked, all over the land, secretly (as possible) recruiting members of a like mind to our cause... anonymously helping others... creating an environment in game and on our website that fostered a sense of family... of belonging. A race that was generally despised going around helping others and doing good.

Hmm... this is beginning to sound familiar.

For those of you who are out, how often have you gone to the mall, the movies, Wal-Mart... or wherever and had people whisper and point. Sometimes even confront you physically. Just because you don't conform to their "ideal"?

For those of you, like me, who are not out... how uncomfortable is it to be in the company of people who are making very derogatory remarks about someone just because they're not "straight"? Even more so when you are with people who you thought were very tolerant. Who you were actually thinking about coming out to... only to be in their midst with those very words on your lips when one or more of them drop the "F" bomb. No, not the four letter one... the other "F" bomb.

Your limbs go cold and your very breath is caught by what must be a baseball stuck in your throat. All you can think about through the haze of pure panic is that you can't possibly let on that you have any sympathy for the object of their scorn and hatred lest you be next.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... personal experience, ok? It's happened more than once and is really why I'm still so secretive. Because the sympathetic are far outnumbered by the narrow minded haters. Especially here in small town America.

So here we are... in our own Everquest world... again, one not of our own making. Trying to survive walking among those who, if they knew, would attack at a moment's notice... maybe not physically... but there are many other ways to hurt someone.

We seek out those of our own unique kind... or even those who, although they may not share our ways, are understanding and compassionate. Those who would follow the Wiccan rede, even if they aren't. "An it harm none, do as ye will".

If I take a woman behind closed doors and make love to her, nary a word would be said, other than perhaps some good natured ribbing. But should I take another man behind closed doors and make love to him, then a whole lot of people would never look at me the same again. I would find myself with fewer friends... difficulty at work... my invitations to our annual family reunions would somehow get "lost" in the mail... and my car... Man. I know it's only a Hyundai, but it's all I got...

I don't know about anyone else, but I think that if I could, I'd leave this life behind and move somewhere where things aren't so bad. I mean, I know there are haters everywhere, but certainly there must be communities somewhere in this big wide world where we would be not just tolerated, but free and accepted. (No, I'm not a mason...)

I'd love to live in a society where if I had feelings for someone, even if it's just plain, unadulterated lust, I could express it... not bottle it up inside and fantasize later, when I'm by myself, about how the encounter could have been. Where's my towel...

I kid! Well... sort of... I'm really too big of a chicken to put myself out there to be noticed or to approach someone else. What if I mis-read them? What if that "look" meant nothing? If only there was some discreet way to passively let someone know your interests... I mean, the hanky codes are so... out of date. I doubt that there are even that many people around that are even aware that they even exist...

Anyway... that's it for now... off to moping...

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